Thursday, December 6, 2012

Tell Me You're Not

Please tell me you're not planning on having a perfect Christmas? You are, aren't you? Somehow I just knew it. Oh dear, so am I.

Does your Christmas look something like the one I read about years ago in a long forgotten book?

It is Christmas Eve and you are ready. That just about says it all and I could quit right now, but I'll continue so you will think I can read your mind.

Your cozy home in the country is full of charm, the oyster stew is keeping warm on the stove beside a pot of hot chocolate awaiting the return of your husband and children who are out delivering beautiful tins of your homemade goodies to friends.

Your house is tastefully decorated, and carefully chosen gifts are wrapped and under the tree cut from your own land. The table is set with your best china on a tablecloth that is a family heirloom. Christmas carols are playing softly, and the Christmas feast is ready to be served as soon as your family returns rosy-cheeked from delivering the cookies and putting the matching Clydesdale horses up in the red barn.

Grandparents will be arriving any minute now with their bundle of educational toys and books to put under the Christmas tree for the children.

You have just enough time to take a bubble bath before slipping into that slinky new dress from the quirky little boutique you discovered.


Excuse me, wake up! You're dreaming!

Hopefully, you're not having this nightmare.............

You're scraping the dried up spillover of fudge off the stove with a razor blade when your husband and children return bearing paper plates still full of store-bought cookies. Just as you're ready to jump all over them for not delivering them all, one plate slips out of your husband's hand and a dozen cookies covered in powdered sugar bounce on the floor. At the same time your husband's younger brother yells from the den where he's watching Wrestle Mania that he needs another beer if it's not too much trouble, and the doorbell rings stridently.

Your mother-in-law bursts into the kitchen squealing, "Come here, kiddies! Come see what I bought you." Despite your protesting that it will ruin their appetite, she immediately gives them each a foot-long candy cane before spilling out a mountain of toys on the floor. You know without looking that each will have at least a dozen tiny parts and that batteries needed will not be included. You decide to overlook it and go ladle up the oyster stew, which has scorched by now. You dish it up anyway and carry the plate of cold cuts, Jello salad and potato chips to the table. You yell, "Dinners ready."

Nobody comes.

Ha! Which Christmas Eve would you choose?

We have 18 more days to pull it all off. I'll race you.


  1. Replies
    1. Good, Zack! Your brother finally got you set up here! Y'all be careful!

  2. Dewena, I REALLY needed this laugh! Your photos don't look like you're going to have the crazy Christmas you described. It looks like you have it under control and looking beautiful. Thank you so much for your prayers for our little Dylan, and that you for giving me a great laugh today! laurie

    1. Laurie, I'm very glad you liked reading it. Hopefully we all fall somewhere between the two extremes. Thinking about Dylan today too and will go on praying for him. I know you look forward so much to holding him yourself, especially after I have now read back all the way through 2012 of your wonderful blog and saw how much fun you have with your other grandkids. I bet they love coming to your house.

  3. Every year I struggle with images of Martha Stewart and Norman Rockwell knowing that it will be more like the Griswolds. Hang in there, it's almost over.

    1. And we love the Griswolds! Thank you, Heather, I will hang in there! We'll find a happy medium, won't we?

  4. Ha, great story's mom. I bet most people have had a jumbled mix over the years of you're two stories.
    Praying that sweet little Penelope feels better soon.

    1. Me too. Glad you liked it, Gurn. Although Clydesdales in the barn would be cool.

  5. Very nice story mom. Glad I'm set up now to comment, thanks to Gurn.

  6. Wonderful story! LOL! You made my day!

  7. The first story is lovely, the way we all want our holiday to be. I would so love Clydesdale's in the barn. The second---well, mine has never been quite that bad, lol.
    I am sure your Christmas Eve will be perfectly beautiful!


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